being shreyas

prem mhanje prem asta

2012-02-01T08:24:00.000-08:00

cant fight it.. its not to be fought..
its a void.. a hole in the chest..
never thought that living away from you is gonna make me suffer so much..
enough.. i just cant take it.. i don't feel like living without you..
missing you is one thing.. day dreaming about you is also fine.. but your constant absence haunts me..
kills me every second.. every milisecond..
eka kshnat sudha shambar vela marat asen asa mhanayla kahi harkat nahi..
arey mala tujhi athvan yetey.. chalel.. pan jeevanacha anand gheta yet nahi.. karan ka? tu sobat nahiyes..
even if i do anything.. celebrate life with friends o family.. still there is something missing.. yeah that's you..

sometimes i really do feel like leaving everything and come flying near you..
ya pudhcha ayushya sobat rahu asa tu mhanat rahilis.. pan atach mala tujya shivay jagaycha nahiye..

The angel

2011-11-29T08:07:00.000-08:00

HELP! Somebody help me! Stop. Stop it. I was desperately screaming for help. I could hardly believe two of my friends were forcing me.

Shut her mouth you idiot. I heard Ravi say.

How can she scream still? We’ll have to take her somewhere else. Arjun said, I was pleading to let me go. Wish that somebody would help me.

No one can stop us. Ravi said and started giggling. I could barely scream now. I saw a man walking in the lane with bottle in his hand, he was drunk. I wished atleast he would help, but what hope can you cling on to man who cant hold himself together. I tried to struggle for the last time.

Hold still you bitch! Or else I’ll have to hurt you. Ravi yelled, I tried to free myself for the last time. The man came closer to us. I hoped atleast they will stop sensing the presence of other man. But all my hopes died as the man went past us gulping the Romanov. I gave up.

But he turned and flung the bottle on Ravi’s head. Ravi had to let me go as his head started bleeding profusely. I collapsed on the ground. Arjun punched that man on his face. He stumbled. Arjun went ahead to kick him, but that man gathered himself and swung the broken bottle furiously into Arjun’s stomach. He fell on the ground. Ravi got his knife out. Lookout! I screamed. But Ravi had already driven the knife in his shoulder. Ravi went for another attack. That man wouldn’t make it I was sure. But he moved back and the swing of knife tore his shirt & barely scratched his torso. The man now swung his fist hitting Ravi’s lower jaw. He punched him in his stomach and gave a final blow onto his neck to end it. I heard Ravi’s neck crack. The drunken man moved towards me. My head was feeling heavy.

Thank you. He dint say anything but lifted me with his able arms. He stumbled as he walked.

Where are you taking me? He ignored. I could smell vodka from his heavy breath. He kept me on the front seat of his car. Got into the driver’s seat and removed his shirt.

What are you doing? I saw a tattoo on his chest written Priya. He moved closer. My vision was blurred and I felt dizzy. He was a predator. Tiger had driven the hyenas away. I blacked out.

***

I woke up and found myself in hospital. A nurse came by and asked me how I was feeling. I said fine and asked her how I got here.

You were drugged and there was lot of alcohol in your body. A man got you here last night, she said.

Where is he now? I asked.

Oh! I bandaged him up and then he left.

Did he leave his address or contact number? I want to thank him.

No he didn’t. But I know him. He was here last year. His fiancée died in this hospital.

Oh! How?

I don’t know exactly, but they say she was stabbed while she tried to save a girl from getting raped. She had gone clubbing with her friend, but he dint try to stop the hideous act. She went alone to help, but poor girl it cost her own life.

You know the guy’s name or anything that could help me to contact him? I wanted to meet him badly.

No, but I can check up in register.

That would be great. Thank you.

Now you take rest. Doctor will come to see you then you are free to go. I‘ll give you the details of that man when you leave.

She left. I stared at the ceiling thinking what the world had come to. What was more gruesome? Committing a crime or letting it happen? I was saved. I have to meet the guy & thank him. He was an angel for me.

2011-11-01T22:52:00.000-07:00

Dad,

You are my first teacher, coz you introduced me to this world.
You are my first guide, coz you taught me to walk.
You are my first mentor, coz you adviced me about life.

Now you have left my hand, coz you want me to learn the hard way,
the same way you taught me to ride a cycle.
Now I am alone, I am here without you, battling everyday, learning things, growing up.
Though I miss the support. I miss you.

You were my childhood hero, you are now and will be forever.

Let go

2011-09-26T11:22:00.000-07:00

Smriti wakes up as the warm rays of rising sun fall on her. She gets off the bed and checks the time. It was 7 o’clock. “Get up Prithvi! You’ll be late for office.” She pushes her husband. “Let me sleep for some more time.” Prithvi moans. “Ok fine, m going down.” She ties her hair and goes to kitchen and instantly starts preparing breakfast. Meanwhile their daughter Naina is getting ready for her college. It was routine weekday in the house of Kapoor’s.

“Mom serve me breakfast. I’m getting late.” Naina screams from the dining table. “Yeah I’m getting it.” She yells from the kitchen. “By the way Prithvi why aren’t you going to office today?” “I don’t feel like going.” He says grinning wide. “Ok help me with groceries then.” Prithvi groans. “Can’t we just spend the whole day in bed?” “Shameless your daughter is sitting outside.” Smriti says while taking the breakfast to the table. She serves Naina and asks “You need anything dear? I and your dad are going to the market.” “No.” Naina replies sharply. Naina gobbles her breakfast quickly without even bothering what her mom is saying. She dashes to the door, stuffs her tiny feet in the shoes and yells, “Bye mom. Will be late I have basketball practices.” “Say bye to your dad too.” “No.” Naina yells and kisses her dad’s picture on the corner table and closes the door behind her. “I don’t know what I am going to do about her. Girl has lost her manners. She can kiss your photo but not talk to you. Why doesn’t she forget the fight and talk to you?” “It’s ok dear. You can kiss me instead.” Prthivi says pulling her closer. “Go have bath. I’ll clean up and have.” She says pushing him away.

***

“I am have made Naina’s favorite food. You can talk with her over dinner and please control your temper, even if she argues. You both have temper like a storm.” Smriti tells her husband. “Ok sweetheart, but she has got looks from you.” Prithvi smiles touching the necklace that she was wearing. “It’s the best anniversary gift any wife can ever get.” She smiles back at him. Prithvi looks at her slowly moving his hand to her neck. He moves his head towards hers. “Mom I am hungry. Let’s eat.” Naina yells from below. “How did she finish her bath so soon? This girl is out of control.” Smriti sighs. Prithvi kisses on her forehead as she closes her eyes. Gust of wind opens the window any blows on her face. Smriti looks at the window and gets up to close it. Later they both move to have dinner.

Naina had already started eating. “Couldn’t you wait for us?” Smriti yells at her. They both sit down at the table. Smriti serves them both. There was silence at the table. Smriti looks at Prithvi and nudges him signaling him to talk to her. But he just stares at her. Finally Smriti gives up at starts talking to Naina about to end the fight and have a truce. She talks to both of them. Naina digs the fork into the fish listening to her mom talk about the fight. She remembers the yelling and screaming between her and her dad. She digs the fork harder. She remembers yelling at her dad and storming out of the house that night. The fight was about her way of dressing in the college. Smriti stares at Naina as she hears the crack in the porcelain plate. “Enough!” Naina yells. “He is dead! It’s been a month. I cant take this anymore. He is no more mom.” “Shut up!” Smriti screams at her and slaps. “Can’t you see he is sitting right in front of you?” “No I can’t.” Naina says now in tears. “I can’t mom, I can’t.” “He is right in front of you. Prithvi say something. Talk to her.” Smriti says panicking. “I can’t. I am mental image created by your mind.” Prithvi says. “Nonsense, this can’t be.” She says astonished. Naina starts telling her mom how dad died in a car accident as he left the house to search for her that night. Smriti shakes her head disbelievingly. “You have to let me go dear. Let me go and move ahead.” Prithvi says softly in her ears. Smriti hugs her mom as tears start trickling down her face. She holds her tight and closing her eyes. She can hear Prithvi’s voice saying ‘let me go.’ Wind blows the curtains and touches her wet face soothing her soul. Smriti opens her eyes and finds Prithvi is gone. “Let’s sleep dear. It’s late.” And they both get up wiping each other’s tears. Before retiring to her bed Naina kisses her dad’s photo. “Miss you dad.”

A love story

2011-09-23T13:16:00.000-07:00

PART ONE -- REJECTION

It was hot afternoon, but we were cooling ourselves under the fan. The rains were infrequent. Birds were singing in the garden outside calling us to join them. She was sitting with her laptop reading some paper and as usual I was fiddling with the PCB. Our project submission was due in 12 days.

‘Damn this RS-232 port is not giving any signal’. “Did you read this paper which I sent you.” She said not bothering to look at what I was doing. ‘Crap I had totally forgotten about it.’ “I dint understand anything.” I replied ashamed of myself. “What is it that you dint understand? It’s just a three dimensional matrix from which we have to extract feature.” She went on blabbering about how to do it. ‘Great I am not comfortable with 2-D and she telling me to play with 3-D. Why doesn’t she say screw the software part?’ “Ok, I will read it” I said after she finished explaining. She began her coding in matlab and I was looking at hyperterminal window for some signal. ‘Come on! Give me something, not this crap!’ We went on like this for an hour or so. She was exhausted and saw that I had gained nothing in past hour. “Let’s go outside” “Where? Verandah?” I asked staring at her excited face. “Some nice place, I’ll take you.”

In 10 minutes we were on my bike cruising on the airport highway. I kept asking her where she is taking me because I knew Vasco didn’t have any great places to visit. “Just go.” She said giggling. I loved the sound of her giggles, especially when it comes from behind when m riding. She told me to stop at gurudwara. We both got down and went inside. “I used to come with my friend here, she was Punjabi” and started talking excitedly about her school life. I always liked when she talked about herself and her life. No clue what attracted me to her. We sat down and prayed for sometime. She had closed her eyes. ‘What’s with her? She doesn’t believe in god, yet she is here’ her face looked peaceful. ‘Oh God! Do you think I should tell her today?’ “Come, let’s go we have one more place to go.” she got up already when I was panicking inside. “Yeah let’s go” I got up and started moving outside. I couldn’t face her, I was nervous.

She took me to a garden next and started explaining why it was called ‘Japanese Garden’. That garden was on an edge of a cliff. I was looking forward for a nice chat with her at one of the benches. “We are going down, there is a temple down there we’ll sit there.” She said and started walking. I frowned and followed her, ‘what’s with her and gods today?’ we slowly walked down the narrow steps which were leading to temple. She was talking about how she spent her childhood with her brother over here for some evenings. As we reached the temple I rang the bell and started murmuring few shloka’s. She stood next to me folding hands. ‘Are you trying to show her that you are pious? God is watching you. No I am not showing off, God please take care of her she will be alone in that huge city. Don’t let anything harm her. Keep her happy.’ “You are still praying?” she asked looking at my closed eyes and folded hands. I looked at her opening my eyes slowly. The rays of setting sun were making her face glow. “Let’s sit here” she said pointing at a bench. “How come you finished praying so soon? Which shloka did you recite?” I said sitting on the bench. She started laughing. “I never learnt any.” “Why?” I asked. “Don’t know parents didn’t force me or I never cared.” “Not even shubhamkaroti?” I asked with wide eyes. We got lost talking about our childhood days, cousins, summer-time and many kiddo stories. Listening to her made my soul at peace. It was like happiness was flowing out of her into my body. Soon I will lose that. She will be gone far.

‘It’s been long time you have been running away from truth. Why are you masking your feelings? You love her! This is the time or else you’ll lose her forever. Don’t get scared of rejection. I don’t want to lose her as a friend. You won’t lose her as a friend. I don’t want to get hurt again. You know our past. She will be gone in few days. You won’t be able to do anything later. Don’t be pathetic and crib about it later.’ We were sitting for a quite long time chatting looking at the waves crashing on the rocks below. She sensed that it was getting dark, “come let’s go back, you have to take that project stuff home.” We both got up n walked back towards bike.

She was sitting behind enjoying the evening breeze. We had entered her colony. I dint utter a word all the way back. My head was in turmoil. ‘Do it now, tell her that you love her. Tell her not to go. You won’t get another chance like this. Just say damn it!’ “I think I love you.” ‘What? You think you love her? You think? Is that even a way to propose?’ Before I could say anything further she said “happy realization.”

Am i living it right?

2011-09-07T10:02:00.000-07:00

We have always been asked. “Beta, bade hoke kya banoge?” we have always replied with something like “main papa jaisa banuga.” Where we hardly had any clue what was “papa jaisa.” We only knew he went to some place where mom used to call it office or workplace.

I too had something similar in my head. Yeah I was naïve and belonged to same kinda kids who dreamt to be like their dad. But as time passes our ambitions change. Few of them now want to be doctor or engineer. Yeah you can always say kids don’t have choice in India or they don’t want to broaden their scope.

Yeah I had broad visions. Maybe they were too broad. Dad used to pester me with one line that I had said dunno when “I will do something great, make my country proud.” Guess I was too patriotic that time. It’s not like patriotism has reduced now or something. That “JAZBA” is still there. But I don’t know what to do. Maybe there are many people like me, they want to do something but they don’t know what or how.

Bollywood has influenced many people lives. For me it’s like an impulse. I watched ‘zanjeer’ and wanted to be an inspector. Yeah that’s right like others I used to idolize Amitabh. Times changed I started idolizing Abdul Kalam during school. People who knew me that time would know better. Read his book ‘wings of fire’ and was inspired like none other. Used to have a hairstyle like him. I used to read a lot of books on famous scientists. How they achieved that feat and what difficulties they faced. Looking at their condition I feel we are in much better position ourselves to discover or invent something.

Dad asked me what you want to do in life. This was when I was in eleventh standard studying science. I said BSc-Msc-Phd. Well you see, I wanted to be a scientist back then. I loved botany, zoology and so totally liked evolution and Charles Darwin. It’s not that I disliked physics and chemistry. Loved quantum theory and was fascinated by carbon, its isotopes, allotropes and fullerenes. Dad said ‘you can’t to do that boy due to financial reasons; you got to be an engineer.’

So I did B.E- Electronics and Telecommunication. But those four years were not easy. Constantly I used to get things in my head. Like ‘why am I doing this?’; ‘what is the use?’; ‘do I really care about this?’ Now it was Hollywood’s turn, being a huge fan of ‘Matrix trilogy’, I used to ask myself ‘what is my purpose in life?’ You can totally call me psycho. Somehow got into photography and videography, was giving it a thought. Yeah had a hobby of sketching, so this was no surprise. Gave career in animation a thought too. I just loved cartoons. Yeah when I was doing engineering, I know that’s surprising. I had even found out where and how I could do that. But later pushed it aside saying rubbish. It was in final year while doing project that I decided Mtech is next thing that I am going to do. So now here I am studying 2nd year Mtech in Digital Electronics and Advance Communication. Presently I am doing internship at ST Microelectronics. But that a question now lurks ‘What next?’ I have many options, from which I have to choose. That choice also scares me, because I am afraid of taking a wrong step.

The post is not inspired from the following link; it just popped in ma head.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B56Rwyn6Tmc

Now or never

2011-04-19T13:56:00.000-07:00

“Rishi, keep the phone, its 3a.m. in morning.”

“Yeah, bye.”

“Hmm.”

“I love you.”

“Hmm.”

“Keeping.”

“Hmm.”

Rishikesh keeps the phone and lies on the bed staring at the ceiling.

Next day he wakes up late. His dad was leaving for office when he goes to the basin to brush his teeth. His dad looks at him and says “when are you going to be serious about your life and about your future?” Rishikesh continues brushing and looks at his face in mirror. Dad slams the door and leaves.

***

Smriti holds rishi’s hand, “you look so tired and pale.” “Hmm.” She holds him tight.Suddenly Rishi starts coughing and spits out blood. Smriti starts panicking, looks astonishingly at him, “Rishi, what’s that?” “Dunno, food poisoning maybe.” “Did you go to the doc?” “No, it just started happening today” “So?” “It’s nothing.” “I don’t care. Promise me you’ll go.” “Yeah, fine.”

***

A month later Rishikesh is in ICU. He is diagnosed of having blood cancer. His dad is sitting beside him on chair , looking at all the gadgets connected to Rishi’s body. Rishi looks at his dad, he can’t talk as oxygen mask covers his mouth. He wishes to tell him all the things that he had planned for his future. Where he was heading. How much He meant to him. Smriti enters and looks at Rishi. Rishi’s dad touches her shoulder and makes her sit on his chair and moves out. Smriti holds his hands staring at his eyes. Tears start rolling down her cheeks. Rishi blinks his eyes. She wipes her face sniffing. They stare at each other for some time hoping that the time would stop and run backwards. A nurse enters “Madam could you please wait outside for a moment.” Smriti gets up to leave, but Rishi holds her hand. Smriti looks at him, Rishi blinks his eyes. “I know, I love you too.”

2011-04-19T13:14:00.000-07:00

[Roark to Keating:] If you want my advice, Peter," he said at last, "you've made a mistake already. By asking me. By asking anyone. Never ask people. Not about your work. Don't you know what you want? How can you stand it, not to know?"

- Ayn Rand, Fountainhead

...

2011-04-06T10:23:00.000-07:00

Hi shreyas, long time no see. How you been?

Hmm..

Hehe. I must appreciate though, you’ve been holding me at bay for long time. It’s good to be back. Feels nice.

I am ashamed of you.

Please shreyas don’t say that. I don’t like anyone saying anything to you. Finally I am you.

Hmm.

You are weak shreyas. You’ve always been. You know that and nothing is gonna work, how much strong you act to be. You asked for it.

I know. Don’t be so cocky.

Hehe. Your endurance has increased. Threshold has increased. Nice. But you asked for all these things. Now face it. You wanted to test yourself? Wanted to be a hero eh?

Nothing. At least I came to know a lot about myself. What I am. What things and situations I can handle. Now I have experience. I can say I faced many things.

Hehe. And you got a friend like me. You know I can destroy you and everything around you.

I know.

So tonight I rule?

Yeah.

What are you thinking?

Nothing.

I know what you’re thinking. I like the first option. You know you can use me for that. Just let me out.

I don’t like any of them.

Hehehe. Anyways I am just blood-thirsty.

Second option will eradicate you.

Hmm. But that means I won and you lost.

I know.

Anniversaries of love

2011-02-22T04:19:00.000-08:00

“You didn’t show me what you sent her” she said. “I sent her already. I’ll show you the snap.” I replied. “Hey look at this.” She removes a white chart paper out of her bag. The paper has palm impressions done with paint of herself and her boyfriend. “We do this every year on our anniversary”. She sounded happy. I stared at the paper for few moments. “She had sent me a letter with her palm print on it, to feel her hand when I miss her too much.” I said looking at her and she smiled. I remembered that she had just dropped her boyfriend on bus and come back, I asked her, “You didn’t cry?” “No ya!” smiles at me without betraying any kind of emotion. I couldn’t digest her reply, “how is that possible? Tell me, u dint cry? Seriously, how come?” she laughs, “No!” “Yeah, I know he stays in Bangalore, you’ll drop there or he will drop here anytime you guys want. Nice.” She is still laughing. “Oh come on, at least a drop of tear?” “That is there” “So eyes were filled huh?” she doesn’t reply, just smiles.

I had met her boyfriend with couple of my friends. He had come down for their anniversary. Both are so totally meant for each other. Best wishes from me.

One year gone, I m pondering over what things happened. Flashes of her face with broad smiles and sounds of her giggle fill my head.

“We are sailing in the same boat, Shreyas.” My friend above had said. I dint say anything about it. But dear friend you should know..
All love stories are not the same.

A Voice

2011-02-12T23:42:00.000-08:00

Ask a man with wife and two kids. "What is life?" he'll show you a picture of his family. Life for many people means keeping thier loved ones happy, spending time with them, growing old with them. Life can also mean money, status, power, and love. Few others may have their own views on what life is for them.

For me life has become a voice. Everyday I want to listen to it very badly. A voice on phone that sweeps me off the ground. Sometimes it makes my heart skip a beat. Sometimes makes my heart beat faster. The voice means me a lot of things. It motivates me, gives me something to look forword to, face difficlties. It makes me feel safe and secure, feel like you are not alone, you have something to hold on to. It turns me on sometimes, hormonal activity reaches at peak there. It makes me cry sometimes, when the voice is cold or discrete or impersonal. Above all her voice makes me feel loved, feels cared. Makes the purpose of life.

I'm holding on to it, my precious life, the voice. It will fade.. its fading away..

Nostalgia

2011-01-29T02:41:00.000-08:00

Our brain has an ability to go back in time replay the scenario in our minds. This ability that we call memory is self controlled. Consider our brain is like a hard disk drive where the data is stored in stacks. Whenever we want we can pop it out and use it. Sometimes there are few things that invoke our minds to go back in time and remember those happy/sad days, remind us of things/facts. Nowadays we have reminders, wherein we deliberately chose to remember some work or event.

What if a person doesn’t want to remember some stuff. Our memory is volatile. But the more hard we try to forget things the more we encounter them. I don’t want to remember my past, anything of it. There are few rooms in my mind that I have closed and don’t want them to open up. But few things/people/locations trigger a series of stack from memory to be popped out and replayed like a movie. It’s hard to stop it sometimes. Childhood is the best part. Most of them don’t have complains about it. College life and later was also fun. I don’t mind remembering it but don’t want to live in past. My past doesn’t haunt me. I have had ups and downs in my life. I take them as experience. I want to build my future from this experience. Because with my hands I can’t change the past but I can shape my future. I m not saying nostalgia or being nostalgic is bad. Its just..

I want to keep looking forward.

Invisible thread

2011-01-26T19:25:00.000-08:00

the invisible thread of connection, the bond of love..

hoping to be together soon.. i miss you a lot..

THE SCAR

2011-01-26T09:26:00.000-08:00

My left arm grabbed my attention today. I have a wheatish complexion. On this skin tone of mine my left arm bears 5 tiny light brown dots. These dots connected together loosely form a line that remind me of those days when I loved to hurt myself, trying forget the pain the heart was enduring. For a moment the heinous action took me away from the present situation. But mind would be back to the thing that was clogging up my head. It was pointless.

My brain is weird. It thinks in all possible directions. Mostly negative. That is what maybe makes me weak, makes me hold back, makes me doubt things, makes me confused over decisions. So to make my head not to think in a particular direction I made these carvings on my skin. To remind me of the shit. Sometimes it was to forget things. Sometimes to overcome some pain.

Over the time my endurance of many things has increased. But the scar still remains, as a reminder of the past.

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”
- Khalil Girban

Stereo Love

2010-10-07T07:44:00.000-07:00

been listening to this song for past one week.. every now and then.. just cant get over it.. makes me groove, makes me fly.. makes me scream out loud..

When you gonna stop breaking my heart

I don't wanna be another one
Paying for the things I never done
Don't let go ...
Don't let go ...
To my love

[Chorus]
I hate to see you cry,
Your smile is a beautiful lie.
I hate to see you cry,
My love is dying inside.

I can fix all those lies
Oh, baby, baby, I run, but I'm running to you
You won't see me cry, I'm hiding inside
My heart is in pain, but I'm smiling for you.

Can I get to your soul
Can you get to my toughts
Can you promise we won't let go
All the things that I need,
All the things that you need,
You can make it feel so real.

'Cause you can't deny
You've blown my mind
When I touch your body
I feel I'm losing control

'Cause you can't deny
You've blown my mind
When I see you baby
I just don't wanna let go

When you gonna stop breaking my heart
I don't wanna be another one ...

[Chorus]
I hate to see you cry,
Your smile is a beautiful lie.
I hate to see you cry,
My love is dying inside.

I can fix all those lies
Oh, baby, baby, I run, but I'm running to you
You won't see me cry, I'm hiding inside
My heart is in pain, but I'm smiling for you.

Oh, baby, I'll try to make the things right
I need you more than air, when I'm not with you
Please, don't ask me why, just kiss me this time
My only dream is about you and I.

you're beautiful, it's true

2010-09-28T06:54:00.000-07:00

He entered the suite and closed it behind him. The suite was well furnished with huge bed at the center. One table lamp on side of the bed was on. Few candles flickered on the other side. There was a faint scent in the air. She sat on the bed playing with rose petals spread all across. As he entered she looked at him. The moment she saw him she realized he was drunk.

“You had today?”

“I had some at the bar.”

He came and sat on the bed. She saw his face in the dim candlelight. He dint say anything more, just stared at the candle which was still flickering as light breeze entered through the window.

“You look tired. You should take rest.”

“I am in my senses. I know we have come on honeymoon and today is the first night.”

She threw her hands across his neck. “Honey you’re so tired. You will not be at your full potential. We’ll do it tomorrow.”

“You don’t know what my potential is. I want to do it tonight.”

She looked at him. He dint seem like he will agree to what she was saying. She moved behind and said. “Wash your mouth and come your stinking.”

“I don’t want to waste time on that.”

He kissed her lips instantly. She was taken aback for a moment. She tried to held back his arms and his body that just pounced on her by her feeble hands. But he was unstoppable. He moved his hands on her thighs and dragged her under him. He kissed her fiercely. He was a beast who wanted flesh and nothing could stop him. He rolled his tongue on hers. His tongue tasted like white rum. She knew Bacardi white rum was his favorite. He smelled of smoke too. She knew she can’t stop now and fight with him over that. She brushed aside these thoughts and started unbuttoning his shirt. He slipped off her night gown. They were still kissing deeply. He held her face in his hands. She smelled nice. He remembered the smell; he remembered the first kiss they had. He got lost in time, he got lost in her.

He moved his hands all over her body. He wanted her badly. As she unbuckled his pants, he broke the kiss. Looked at her. She was smiling; she moved her head in front to kiss him. But he took his hands of her body and jumped out of the bed. She was confused on what happened to him suddenly. He walked around the bed staring everywhere but dint look at her.

“Are you searching for protection?”

He went near the door and turned around. Looked at her, there was love in his eyes.

“I love you a lot. But I’m sorry.”

She stared at the door as he left after saying that. She was totally confused with what went wrong. She jumped off the bed and quickly slipped into her gown. She went at the door and tried to open it. But it was not opening. She realized he locked her in and went. She started panicking. Went towards the table and called him from her cell. Hundreds of thoughts ran across her head as the phone rang on other side. “Pick up you idiot.” He dint pick up. She tried again. But there was no response. She was tensed now, dint know what to do. Suddenly her cell beeps. She reads the text with her shivering fingers. Tears roll down her eyes as she reads the message again.

“I am not happy and I don’t think so I’ll be able to keep you happy.”

the dark side..

2010-09-26T04:46:00.000-07:00

I stand in front of mirror, look into my eye and ask myself. Who am I? What have I become? Is this me?

I ponder on my thoughts and my actions. They don’t seem right. They are neither correct nor justified. I have become sick of myself. Sick of my brain. Sick of all those neurons and synaptic connections that decide my neural activity. I wasn’t like this. That kid who used to be happy-go-lucky, spontaneous, smiling always, where is he? Why it is that now my brain is filled with jealousy, hatred, envious thoughts.

Is that I have an alter ego? He is clouding up my mind. He is gaining control over me. His impure thoughts make me crazy. Head feels clogged up with lot of negative thoughts. Mind seems unbalanced. Can’t take better decisions with these thoughts in my head.

I m trying to curb these vestigial thoughts. It’s difficult, they hurt me. I am hurting myself. Its killing me.

2010-08-22T06:14:00.001-07:00

I WILL SURVIVE..

22^ND August 2010. I began my day at 9:30. Partied last night then heard story of lafangey parindey on phone, so decided that I would go for the movie tomorrow. Had to meet sharafat khan in morning but got busy with some other work. Man! Why am I telling you all this..

Lets come to the point. SPEED.. Guys love speed.. I love it too.. as a kid I enjoyed the days of racing on cycles. Then you have the days of biking and blah blah. I don’t think i am a best rider or biker. I have seen many guys; In fact my father is a good one. Prajay Kundaikar is also a good one. Rash but has control. I love riding fast, everyone does. You feel great, you feel like your flying. I can’t stay without bikes. I don’t do any stunts, just ride fast. I want to learn some stunts though. I don’t ride fast when my parents or some female is sitting behind me. Still they think I ride fast.. sucks!

I asked my sister what she wants for raksha bandhan. She said she doesn’t want anything. I insisted, she replied just drop me quickly for the test. I said hold behind tight and don’t be scared. Dropped her in a jiffy. Am not scared of accidents, I had few but not serious ones. I don’t want the person behind me to get hurt in any case. Yeah, so went to meet sharafat in afternoon, Jayant Nirmalker was with me. Had to watch movie at 3 in ponda so got up at around 2:30 from aunty maria. Then I had to go to kala academy urgently for personal reasons. Left from there when my watch was Showing just 8 minutes to 3. Jayant said he is going slow, I said I’ll ride. But he told me to hop behind. Then from the time he started the bike there was no stopping him. He showed me why he is a good rider, why his karizma is better than my hunk. He was riding at neck breaking speeds. Then he was bending the bike on curves, I thought now my feet are gonna touch the ground. But no he had great control. I was totally amazed by the way he dodged in traffic. My eyes were filled and I was crying, that was ok but my nose started draining water. It was AWESOME!!

There was a time on the way back where suddenly a calf ran across the road and we were riding above 100 kmph. Jayant hits the brakes, bike skids thought we are surely gonna hit the calf. But no Jayant dodges it. M like God, what was that. For a moment I thought we are gonna be on ground in few seconds, I wasn’t scared a bit. Even if we had a fall I wouldn’t blame Jayant, I told him to ride fast, I was scared for him.

Jayant is a great guy. I thank him for tolerating his lovesick friend. Thanks for today. I have seen many movies having speeds and racing as the crux of the story. But today I feel I lived that life. We narrowly escaped an accident today; I have escaped many times before. But today’s ride was great.

Sometimes I think why I ride so fast? Yeah I love it! I do it when I am angry too, just to cool my head. What if you meet with an accident? Why do I want to play with my life? Incase I meet with one I am only troubling my loved ones. Do I want to see tears in their eyes? No..

Love speed, ride safe, use helmet ( I don’t do it most of the times, will do)

TAKE CARE..

2010-08-21T05:32:00.000-07:00

LEAVE OUT ALL THE REST..

When my time comes, forget the wrong that I’ve done,

Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed.

And don’t resent me, and when you’re feeling empty,

Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest..

one of my favourite songs by linkin park. Heard it from Sharafat Khan, my bro, my mate from class. This song is perfect for what I always felt for my friends from whom I have gained so much. It reminds me my definition of FRIEND. Reminds me of my search for a true, genuine friend, for a bond that has no limits, a bond that speaks for itself, a bond that doesn’t follow any rule, any religion, neither shares a common blood.

As life moves on I lost many of them. Some moved to other places, I moved to different places. Some lost interest in me or did I? Did I start to dislike them as we grew up? Found some flaws? Or did I lose them because I got better friends now? Keeping in contact with all your friends is possible in this world such a huge communication boom. But do you want to keep in touch?

People have many definitions for friends. What is a friend to me? A friend to me is an ally, an confidant, a person that shares fun, joy, sorrow, tensions.. everything.. Who is there for you when you need them for any kind of help. Friend is person whom you feel to spend time with, share everything, see the world with. Is that a lot m asking for? I consider my friends as an asset of my life. They are very important to me. They make your life fun!

When I was in LKG I had a friend named Bisht in Gujrat, no clue what he is doing now. After I came down to Goa, in school I made lot of friends. Priyadarshini was one of them. We used to sit together on first bench (our height being less). She was very good friend of mine, helped me with studies, liked to talk to her. Rohit Revankar was younger to me. He was my neighbor. Spent my holidays with him as a kid at his place playing various kiddo games. Then there were Mirza Mulla and Leon Lawrence in 5^th std. We used to hang around together, share stories and talk about cartoons and movies. Nikhil Magdum was the first guy whom I think I called as a best friend. We were close, having same thoughts about things around us, sharing a common mother tongue made it easier. In high school and pre-college I had lot of friends who grew up with me in this crucial stage of life. Rahul Reddy, Kunal Phadte, Sreejith Nair, Swapnil Kothe, Prafulkumar Naik, Shruti Desai, Mallika Velingkar, Mayuri Naik, Shubada Bhat, Mrunalini Havaldar. These are all people with whom I have little or no contact. Rahul Reddy was a guy from whom I got a craze of pc games. Pushparaj Parab was my neighbor with whom I spent most of the weekends n summer holidays during school days. Full day we would we playing with G.I Joe or video games. Every friend of mine has left an imprint on me and given me a lot of things to cherish about.

Then there were many more friends from whom I learnt many things, things how bad the world is. What you need to survive in this world. I have done lot of crazy things in my life, bad things, things which are against the moral values. Now as a look back on these things, it makes me wonder, as this all I wanted? Was this what I was supposed to be? Maybe as I move forward it won’t matter, I can forget all this, I can take life as it comes, I have learnt and I can improvise. Friends come and go. Some stay. And those who stay are with you forever.

I always wanted to be a messenger. Messenger who spreads love and happiness. I want to see all my friends smiling and happy always. I am here for them to give any kind of help they need. Just ask me. For all those whom I lost, don’t know why it was. If I did anything wrong my sincere apologies. Other friends and who are yet to come, stay close, give me a little place in your heart, I won’t disappoint you.

Keep smiling!

Your friend always,

Shreyas

Don't take too long..

2010-07-18T05:38:00.003-07:00

Nikhil glanced at his watch for the nth time. She had been 10 minutes late. That was not like her. Saira was always punctual when they plan to meet. It was Nikhil who used to be late every time. They had decided to meet at the coffee shop at 4 o’clock. As usual the coffee shop was filled with many groups of youngsters, chatting & laughing. Occasionally you would find few aged men having a cup of coffee. At the far corner was a table which would be mostly occupied by couples or by people on a date. Nikhil was looking at the girl who had occupied that table. She seemed very happy sitting with her boyfriend. She was giggling and was talking to him eagerly.

Nikhil drifted back in time. Four years back he had met Saira. She was his classmate in the engineering college which he had joined. They had become fast friends and usually hanged around with their group of friends. Laughs at canteen, roaming, movies, parties had become common. Both of them enjoyed each others company. It dint take time for Nikhil to realize that he liked her. He dint have courage to go and tell her about his feelings. Finally he pulled up his socks and told her in the final year. He recollected how nervous he was and how he stumbled when he was talking to her. Saira too had same feeling for him. Since then they have been dating. The coffee shop made Nikhil nostalgic. Every time they went out, they always took a stop at that place. He remembered those days of roaming, sight-seeing, shopping, movies and quick lunches. Scenes of places they visited; her usual laughs & giggles; her twinkling eyes; the tight hugs all were flashing into his mind as if a movie reel was being played. His flow of thoughts was interrupted by a gentle voice.

“Hi!”

A girl with average height & wheatish complexion was standing besides him. Nikhil looked up. Saira was smiling.

“You’re 20 minutes late. Can’t you reach on time?”

Her smile faded. “Sorry had to finish packing the last bag.”

Nikhil frowned. “It’s been two days. You are still packing bags. I don’t get it, are you moving your house there?”

“Nikhil I am going to Delhi for 2 years.” Saira’s tone had changed. Saira had decided to pursue her dreams and was going to Delhi for higher studies. She had a flight the next day and was busy packing her stuff for past few days.

“I know. Forget, I am not in a mood to argue today. What you want to eat?”

“I don’t want anything.” Without caring to meet his eye when she said that.

“Don’t tell me that I destroyed your mood. Tell me quickly what you want. We have already lost time.”

“Coffee.”

“Just coffee?”

“Yeah.” Nikhil knew that she wouldn’t eat anything even if he forced her. He quickly jogged to the counter to place an order. Saira was staring at the vehicles passing by when Nikhil came back. He kept the chicken roll & two cups of coffee on table n sat down.

“I am sorry. I dint mean to burst out at you that way. I was pissed a little bit because we are just meeting for an hour today and already 20 minutes are wasted.” Nikhil’s tone had lowered & reflected sadness.

“I know. I tried to reach early.” Saira just glanced at him. Nikhil took her palm in his & said.

“I am really sorry for bursting out. I don’t want us to fight today at least. I won’t see you for months now. Please smile.”

Saira squeezed his hand. “Please don’t remind me that. I don’t feel like leaving you.”

Saira looked sad. Nikhil placed his fingers on her cheeks & tried to move her lips. “Smile! Hmm..Take me with you.”

”Why? You are quitting your job?”

“I can.” Nikhil replied quickly.

”And do what in Delhi?” Saira asked.

“Stay with you as your servant.” Nikhil grinned.

Saira stuck out tip of her tongue. “Very funny.”

“So all set to go?”

“Yeah just few things left to be dumped.” Saira says sipping her coffee slowly.

“Man, I am so hungry” Nikhil said as he gobbled his roll.

“When you are not?” There was a gentle smile on her face & her eyes twinkled as she looked at him. Nikhil gulped the bite. He dint know what to say next. he saw that she was staring at him as he was eating the roll. He finished his snack quickly & looked at her. Saira was still staring at him. Nikhil knew that he was going to miss that face a lot.

“You are going to take care of yourself right?” Saira asks suddenly.

“No. I won’t. You are not there to take care of me.” Saira looked sad and depressed. Nikhil placed his right palm on her cheek.

“I will be fine. You take care of yourself. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be great.” Nikhil was tries hard to smile.

“Finish your coffee or else it will turn cold.” Saira says trying to sound normal. She knew Nikhil was very sad and was trying to control his emotions when he was talking.

“Yeah.” Nikhil finishes his coffee in two gulps.

“You drank as if it was water.”

“It was already cold.” Nikhil smiles.

Saira’s phone beeps. She answers the call. “Hello”

A deep voice on other side says, “Where are you?”

”In the market”

“Come home quickly. My colleague has come. I want you to talk to him.

”Yeah. Ok”

She hung’s up the phone & stares outside on the road. “Who was that?” Nikhil senses that something is wrong.

“Dad”

“What he said?”

“Told me to come home, his colleague has come.”

“Great!” Nikhil looked dejected.

Saira tries to gathers her wandering mind & says, “I’ll have to leave soon. Before I go I want to tell you few things.”

“Hmm”

Saira continues, “Cut down on our drinking. Don’t eat junk food. Take good care of your health.”

Nikhil knew this was coming. “Yeah! And you gonna tell me if anything goes wrong. No tell me everything.”

Saira laughs. “Yeah. I am gonna bug you.”

Nikhil becomes emotional. “Saira!”

“Yeah.”

“I am gonna miss you a lot.”

Saira looks into his eyes. “Me too.” They stare at each other for few seconds. Nikhil brushes aside his thoughts. “You have to go.”

“I know. I don’t feel like leaving you.”

Nikhil gets up. “Come on, I’ll walk you to your car.” He takes her hand & is ready to move.

Saira looks at him and says, “Sit for some more time.” Nikhil knew if he spent more time his eyes would be filled with water. “No let’s go.” He pulls her a little. They walk towards the car in silence. Lot of things were going on in Saira’s head. She holds his hand as they come near to the car. She finally decides to open her mouth. “You’ll wait for me na? “

Nikhil gives a small laugh, “What stupid question is this?” Saira looked serious. She was staring at him quietly. “Yeah I will. Don’t worry I’ll be waiting. But please don’t take too long.”

Saira’s eyes were filled. “I love you a lot.”

“I love you too.” Nikhil leans forward & kisses her forehead. He retreats back, “Bye, take care.” He begins to move away from her. She grabs his hand. Nikhil looks at him and tries to fee his hand from her clutches. Saira throws herself on him & holds him tightly. Water rolled down from Nikhil’s eyes. He holds her in his arms. The whole surrounding seemed silent for few moments. Nikhil hears Saira sobbing. He holds her with his hands. Saira was staring at the ground, sobbing. Nikhil takes her chin up and wipes her tears. “This is the best thing that has happened to you. You wanted this all along. You should be happy.” Saira nods her head. “Promise me you won’t be like this, miserable. Try to be strong.” Saira looks at him. Her eyes were still filled. Nikhil smiles and says. “Bye, see you soon. Take care.” Saira quickly adds “Ride safely and let me know when you reach home.” “Ok”, Nikhil rushes to his bike. Saira sits in the car and is about to start when she see Nikhil zooming past her car. She mutters to herself. “Never listens to me.”

The weekend had ended; Nikhil was on the way to Bangalore by train, to get inducted in the company where he had got job. The journey was long. He had been texting Saira all along. She was excited about the college and was messaging him about everything around her. Nikhil sends her a message which said; “I love you more than what you think I do. I need you more than what you think I do.” After few minutes Saira replies; “Something similar here. Just replace the 2^nd & 4^th you by I.” Nikhil reads that and smiles. He gets up and goes near the door of the boogie. It had started raining. He leans out of the door. Feels the raindrops falling on his face. Nikhil says to himself. “I am lucky to have you Saira.”

After many months Nikhil is back home. He takes a short leave from his job. He was lazing around when suddenly his cell beeps. Nikhil checks it. “Coffee shop. 4 pm sharp. Don’t be late.”

Changing relationships..

2010-07-02T01:20:00.000-07:00

Relationship…no this is not about love, guy, gal..no its not that! It’s about other relationships which we hardly talk about or notice. I been thinking that there is a bond, a connection between two people..unseen, invisible, sometimes unspoken..sometimes you share something..something in common..same ideas, same feelings..a relationship. Sometimes its weak..sometimes strong..continuously changing. Sometimes they change with time…

Teachers..yeah they basically teach you the subject allotted to them..that’s their job..some of them go further in guiding you with problems in other subjects..teaching you stuff out of curriculum..sharing their experience of stuff he/she worked upon. Never thought my professor, my project guide would turn into my friend.. Yeah! Mr. Chetan Desai, lecturer of Goa college of engineering who guided me though my subjects and project has turned into my friend, an ally sort of.. I have been going to him for all kinds of problems..from project stuff to guidance in subjects, kinds of books to refer for exams, my career planning, how to handle people n stuff in government institutions, talking about college, family, friends and many things.. He is cool..too cool to be a lecturer in an engineering college. You really feel free to talk to him about anything. Absolutely anything! He totally changes the dynamics of teacher-student relationship! Many of the ex-students of college still come to meet him, now I know why. Till now he never said bye to me..” ahh you’ll be here right and come to meet me!” The time is soon to come when he’ll say..”Best of luck with your future”..

I had been to Bangalore for an exam. Stayed at my cousin’s place. Exam was bad.. but had lot of fun with my friends and cousin. Roamed about..shopping, movie, hangout places. Cousin and friends all of ‘em pulling my leg..Also been to Hard Rock Café for dinner, where we were having a general talk when suddenly Geeta (one of my best friends) suddenly said “ Your cousin is very cool”.. “Yeah! I never knew that”.. Me and my cousin, Shruti Moray have not much been in contact for past 5 years. She has been working in b’lore and I was busy with engineering. Meeting her after such a long period has got all the past memories back. She has been fun, playing various games, singing, roaming, and taking care of my studies! Now she more like an advisor. I shared my life and now she gave me few tips n advices on things about life. We both had lot of things to catch up about our lives and sharing with her has made me feel better. She told my other cousin “His face has changed a lot but his facial expressions are still same”. I don’t know how it is! While parting I said thanks for having me n my friends over. Snap came the reply “what’s this thanks and stuff..tu parka ahes ka?..you’re welcome any time..keep coming..it’s been fun!”

I have two friends named Sharafat Khan & Jayant Nirmalker. Sharafat has always been a guy who I look upon when m worried, sad or in panic mode. He has been very supportive during my troubled and difficult times. I cant imagine what would have I done if he wasn’t there in my life. His words, advices have helped me a lot. Sometimes there were things where I just wanted him to listen to me, cause we both knew there nothing we can do except sit and watch life. Then there is Jayant. He is a funny guy and a great guy to hang around and do stupid stuff. Every time there has been something new or different when we hang around together. But he has been through lot of stuff; I have been through lot of stuff. I still see him smiling this gives me courage to face things as he has done. There are times when I feel scared and can’t face thing s, can’t take a step further. These guys have been great support during those times. When I look behind, I know they will be there telling me ‘we are there, don’t worry’. I have thanked Sharafat lot of times for his presence in my life and he has always been saying it’s mutual. Every time it’s mutual! There is a stupid thing I hear from Jayant who doesn’t allow me to pay these days, which I don’t like. He says “you can pay me later with interest” “like right! m gonna do that”. Once they had come to drop me when I was en route pune. I said my family never comes to see me off. Jayant says “dude, how can you say that, we are your family”. We may not be brothers by blood, but we share a bond which is as strong as between brothers and if time comes where I have to shed blood for them I won’t hesitate.

I met Vishal Oulkar on facebook through a common friend of ours. We have been staying in same town, known each other by faces but never talked. I don’t know what got us together facebook, cop, or common views and things that we share. But I guess that doesn’t matter now because we are fast friends. Feels like we are ‘chaddi buddies’! The way we talk and share things like I have known him from long time. I want to return his cell which I have been using for a month now because mine stopped working. He is not ready to take it back until I buy a new one. I have tried to return it back and he said “kay tuza mobile tuza mobile laun thevlay, tuza ani maza ekach ki re”

And there are some bonds that never change, she hasn’t changed and I know she never will. We have still been fighting over phone for stupid reasons. I have been called by various names in my life. She calls me shreyu…and I hate it..sounds girlish. Still I long to listen Geeta Sagrolikar say that.. hope things never change between us!

RANDOM PROCESS

2010-05-07T07:41:00.001-07:00

Just look at the ant running across the floor. Searching for food or its destination with its puny antennas. You can’t predict in which direction that ant is gonna move. Look at the path traced by it. Curves and zigzag. Like Brownian motion in any chemical solvent. It’s unpredictable!

Life’s just like that, its totally unpredictable. You have no clue which choice, which decision, good or bad is going to lead you where. You follow a path which you think is right. Most of the time you come across a fork. It’s a decision time for you, which path to opt for. Your decision, small or big changes the course of universe.

When you are walking on your path, you come across many people. It’s like your paths have crossed theirs. Some may walk besides you, whereas others are temporary visitors. Some people walk with you till the end.

I am glad our paths crossed. You took many twist and turns, up and downs, crossed many hurdles in your life same way as I did. Found myself walking alone..The path had ended or vision had blurred. Till you came by and walked besides me. I could see clear now. Don’t walk like parallel rail tracks or spiral strands of DNA helix. Just hold my hand and walk besides me..till the end.

Life is a random process it has many variables. Or maybe He has written everything. Maybe he doesn’t play dice. If He had written all this for me. I am grateful to Him.

Bleach

2010-05-07T00:10:00.000-07:00

Bleach (Burīchi^?, Romanized as BLEACH in

Japan

) is a Japanese shōnen manga series written and illustrated by Tite Kubo. Bleach follows the adventures of Ichigo Kurosaki after he accidentally obtains the power of a Soul Reaper—a Japanese death personification similar to the Grim Reaper—from Rukia Kuchiki. Gaining these abilities forces him to take on the duties of defending humans from evil spirits and guiding departed souls to the afterlife.

Bleach has been continuously serialized in the Japanese manga anthology Weekly Shōnen Jump since August 2001, and has been collected in 44 tankōbon volumes as of April 2010^[update]. Since its publication, Bleach has spawned a substantial media franchise. The manga has been adapted into an animated television series produced by Studio Pierrot which is still ongoing in

Japan

as it adapts the story from the manga. The series has also spawned two original video animations (OVAs), three animated feature films, seven rock musicals, and numerous video games, as well as prompted the release of many types of Bleach-related merchandise.

Above details taken from Wikipedia for readers better understanding and here is a short synopsis of the story taken from bleachportal.net..

Kurosaki Ichigo looks just like any average 15 year old teenager with only one big difference; he can see ghosts/spirits. Rukia Kuchiki, a Shinigami (Soul Reaper) is out on a mission to find an evil spirit called a Hollow. The Hollow’s target is none other than Ichigo. Rukia and Ichigo confront each other for the first time. Ichigo’s family gets endangered by the Hollow and the only way to stop it was for Rukia, who was injured, to transfer her Shinigami powers to Ichigo who had a strong spiritual force. The concurrence of Rukia and Ichigo leads to many adventures, with a lot of humor along the way. Ichigo helps Rukia fight off Hollows and keep the town safe. The story continues with many twists and turns with action, adventure and comedy.

Now I begin..why bleach? There are so many comics, cartoons, animated series in this world.. why am I crazy about bleach.. As a kid I loved to watch cartoons.. Disney’s all characters were the best. Then came cartoon network with its Scooby Doo, Flintstones, Swat Kats, Jonny Quest and many more.. Don’t say you are a grown up man and still watch cartoons, please! There is no age limit for that. I was even thinking of studying animation and making a career in it. That’s another story. Bleach is different than any other animated series, just because it has everything in it, action, adventure, thrill, comedy. Best of all it talks about life! How to enjoy it, its value, how to live it!

But the main thing I like about bleach is its main character Ichigo Kurosaki. Everyone loves main characters be it movie or cartoon or any other series. This guy is different. He has all the qualities I wish to have or any other guy should have. The qualities he posses are smart, well mannered, inquisitive, kind, funny, generous, brave..are few of them. The best quality I like is his fighting spirit, never say die attitude. That’s his best. The way he walks, talks, style, attitude. Yeah I adore a cartoon character! What a thing to do!

I find few similarities with that character and he is what I want to be.. not that I should posses all the powers that he has or something, just the qualities he has (having powers will be so cool!). This character has been developed very well.. they have shown his improvement in life. This is how people should be and me too.. learn from your mistakes. He was short tempered at first, now he can control his mind. This is how I should be! He loves his dad who tires to keep the family together with his stupidness and funny lines after the death of his wife. He is a great brother who cares for his sisters a lot. And the best what I love is.. he is ready to do anything for his friends. Simply anything.. keep them happy, support them, fight for them until the last breath. Yeah that’s what I like about him he is ready to push his limits for the people he loves. Even when he knows he cant do it or he doesn’t have that much strength left in him. Man how can you do this? I know its just a story and cartoon character but still he teaches me a lot of things!

I watch bleach anime lot of times, it inspires me. Gives me strength to fight the toughest problems in life. When I am going through bad patch he gives hope, helps me to face things!

I love you till the end..

2010-04-20T15:06:00.000-07:00

This song is from movie P.S. I LOVE YOU. Movie is great… but this song somehow connects with my heart. When I heard the first stanza at the beginning of the movie I liked it. Then when holly begins to sing it.. the words were slipping out from my mouth as if I knew the song all along.. it was all I wanted to say..

I just want to see you

When you're all alone

I just want to catch you if I can

I just want to be there

When the morning light explodes

On your face it radiates

I can't escape

I love you 'till the end

I just want to tell you nothing

You don't want to hear

All I want is for you to say

Why don't you just take me

Where I've never been before

I know you want to hear me

Catch my breath

I love you 'till the end

I just want to be there

When we're caught in the rain

I just want to see you laugh not cry

I just want to feel you

When the night puts on its cloak

I'm lost for words don't tell me

'Cause all I can say

I love you 'till the end

being shreyas..

2010-04-20T10:09:00.001-07:00

Finally I am blogging! Lot of my friends and colleagues are into it and they told me many times I should also start blogging. I dint feel the need at that time. I am not sure if there is any need now! Should I be happy that I am blogging? I don’t know!

Idea of Blogging was going in my head for past few days. The main reason behind all this is I have a problem. Or I think it as a problem. One of my vital parts of body doesn’t function in normal way. Don’t get any weird ideas, I am talking bout my brain. Yeah! I hate how my brain thinks! Not hate always. The way it functions, works, it is weird. Sometimes it amazes me! Memory capacity is huge, it remembers lot of junk and few pieces of minute details which doesn’t have any practical importance, but it likes to keep it in his hard disk! Sometimes the thought process gets so intense and fast, I lose track what was I thinking and where it began. So to get a kind of relief from my amazing thought processes I am blogging, i.e. I am gonna dump it all here. So think twice if you should visit my blog again!!

Now what is being shreyas? Y the blog name being shreyas? One of my best friends Sharafat Khan had come up with that term just to describe my stupid and crazy behavior! Over the time that term has got a broader sense. Huh! I think so. What I feel being shreyas is just being simple. Yeah it’s just being simple, just being yourself. Listen to what your heart says and just do what you want to, forgetting what the world thinks about you. In my blog you will find my perspective for different issues and topics which you don’t have to buy it all time. But the angle of incidence on every topic will be based on ‘being shreyas’.

I don’t know how frequently my blog will be updated. How many days or months I’ll be blogging. Hope I don’t get bored of it and loose it. Hope I’ll have something new for you to come back and check it out. Till then adios and keep it simple!